Political update from Terra Podiatra

Since their sudden dispute six weeks ago, it is reported that the factions of Posterior and Anterior Phalanges are resolving their differences and healing well. The two sides have been locked in tape (Surely talks? Ed.) since the 'incident with the sofa in the dark'. Initially thought just to have been dislocated, the extent of the damage was only revealed this morning after forensic examination. The fracture that caused the rift between the two sides had, surprisingly, gone unnoticed until this morning's official report, the result of government investigations.

Future prospects for the region depend on the amount of tranquillity it receives, and the lack of future disturbance.


Peace Talks over the shattered region have been fruitful

CRIMEWATCH UPDATE:

REPORT: FOLLOWING THE INCIDENT LAST NIGHT, THE PLAINTIFF'S BICYCLE WAS FOUND THIS MORNING STILL CHAINED TO THE LAMPPOST. HIS NEIGHBOUR'S BIKE, HOWEVER, WAS NOWHERE TO BE SEEN.

CRIMEWATCH

THEFT REPORT: AT APPROXIMATELY 19.23 HOURS P.M. IN THE EVENING OF TUESDAY 24 FEBRUARY 2009 (MARDI GRAS), A PERSON OR PERSONS UNKNOWN HEADED RENT ASUNDER THE LOCK CHAINING A CLASSIC 'SPARTA WINDSOR' BICYCLE TO THE LAMPPOST OUTSIDE THE PLAINTIFF'S HOUSE, ALERTING THE PLAINTIFF TO THEIR ACTIVITY BY CLANGING THE CHAIN AGAINST THE POST DURING THE THEFT. THE PERSON(S) THEN ABSCONDED WITH SAID VINTAGE VEHICLE AND HAD DISAPPEARED BEFORE THE PLAINTIFF COULD GET TO THE WINDOW. SUSPICIOUS ACTIVITY ON THE ROAD THAT EVENING HAD INCLUDED THE SETTING-OFF OF FIREWORKS SHORTLY BEFOREHAND.

LOOK OUT FOR: PERSON(S) COMPLAINING OF HAVING STOLEN A BIKE WITH FLAT TYRES AND THE PAIN IT HAS CAUSED THEIR REAR IN PEDLING AT GETAWAY-SPEED OVER COBBLES. PERSON(S) TRYING TO SELL A BICYCLE FOR PANCAKES TO CELEBRATE MARDI GRAS.


Missing: Like this, but green

Mardi Mince

I forgot it was pancake day.

Sunday night fatigue

Another busy weekend, not skiing, but showing my parents round the sights and highlights of the town. This seemed to involve doing lots of walking (along the beach, through the centre...), shopping for and looking at the 'European' things in the shops and being thankful that the weather forecast was wrong and we were not rained on.

We saw that the good citizens of Delft were also glad that this was the case, as this weekend is the start of Carnival. Even here in the dour, Calvinist North, people need to let their hair down and drink away the store-cupboard before lent. For those who feel it's too restrained here they head to the Catholic South, where joie-de-vivre is the order of the day, the celebrations are much wilder.


Carnival in Delft

Carnival in Maastricht

All this tourism has worn me out; I'd better get back on the slopes for a rest.

Alpine Adventures and Savoyard Savouries

Last Known Whereabouts - The Alps

This weekend I left the low countries for the dizzying altitude of Geneva and the French Alps. Thanks to the good snowfall this year, there were excellent conditions on and off piste. My off piste exploring did not stop at whizzing through thick powder either; I also pushed the bounds of my regional food knowledge. Having been to the Haute Savoie a fair few times, I thought I had experienced a lot of the local fare - ham, cheese, bread in any order you wish. Imagine my surprise when I found two new dishes in one lunchtime! These being Tartiflette pizza, and Raclette-in-a-bun. Well, it would have been rude not to try them, having climbed so high and skied so far to discover them, so in spite of skiing for hour upon hour, I am sure I descended the mountain a few kilos heavier than when I went up.

Letters to the Editor

Lookalike

Atlas
Sisyphus

Sir,

In an 'engagement session' at work yesterday, someone mentioned (in a positive way, mark) a task that his team had to perform as being 'Like Atlas with that boulder on his back, heaving it upwards'.

Are the supporter of the starry firmament and the performer of the painfully never-ending task related? I think we should be told.

Classics Geek,
The Netherlands

Secret Message

As any true Brit will observe, there's something quite queer in this picture. No, not him, look harder. That's right, the flag's been inverted! The press are abound with stories of incompetent 'foreign workers' in No. 10 being unable to identify the correct way up for the Union Flag - obviously another attempt to stir up the foreign v. British energy workers issue.



I think there is something far more sinister afoot; I believe that the flag was deliberately installed this way and placed in the full beam of the media spotlight by a person with full knowledge of what it means. Someone at that table is sending out a distress signal, trying to indicate that all is not well, possibly calling for reinforcements, and that this person has no other way of doing it without fear of reprisals! Now we just have to deduce who it is, and, more importantly, if we actually want to be helping them.

Rain, sleet, hail, snow - nothing will stop him!

Suitable commuting wear for Holland (now how to get on the bicycle?)

Yes, it was a nasty day out there, and Our Hero bravely battled the Fierce Elements on the gruelling return from work. At risk from Rogue Polar Bears and raging Arctic Winds, and despite losing several huskies (From a Bicycle? Are you sure? Ed.), surviving on a diet of pemmican and ice, he defied Winter's Most Cruel Grasp, he beat the odds and made it back to civilisation in eight painful and seemingly endless minutes.

More polar adventures tomorrow: Witness as I dare to attempt to reach work on time!